i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
