all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.