i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
