Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
