she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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