I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
