we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
