Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He better not be in your backpack
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
