Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
