How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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