Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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