I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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