discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Pants are for mortals
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
