I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
