Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
