Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
