Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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