You're so nebulous sometimes
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
