i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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