apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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