Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
