yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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