Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
