the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
