I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Randomize
