is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
