i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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