so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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