I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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