Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
