Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
mondays should just be called national damage control day
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My bed smells like the plague
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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