Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
