I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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