When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
