I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
