I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
