She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
