Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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