i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
