do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Mom said you looked used
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
