I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
