please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
