Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it because I queefed?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
