Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
