Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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