Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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