i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
