there's paper in my vomit.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
