Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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