I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
