just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
