If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
