This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
