Where is the hickey?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
