I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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