I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
