the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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