i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
