even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
