Got a toothbrush?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
