I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
