I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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