K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
