I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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