She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
