You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
