Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
