I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
