lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
