There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
