I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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