So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
