her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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