Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
