i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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