Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
