You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
