hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
