I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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