Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
